The Phrases shared by A Father Which Saved Us during my time as a First-Time Dad

"I think I was simply just surviving for twelve months."

Former reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the demands of becoming a dad.

However the truth soon became "completely different" to what he pictured.

Severe health issues surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was pushed into acting as her chief support in addition to caring for their infant son Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, each diaper… each outing. The duty of mother and father," Ryan shared.

Following 11 months he became exhausted. It was a chat with his father, on a park bench, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The direct words "You aren't in a healthy space. You need support. What can I do to support you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His experience is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. Although society is now more comfortable talking about the stress on mothers and about post-natal depression, less is said about the struggles dads face.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan thinks his struggles are part of a broader reluctance to communicate among men, who often internalise harmful perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and stays upright time and again."

"It is not a sign of failure to request help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can think they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - most notably ahead of a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental health is equally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the chance to request a respite - going on a few days overseas, separate from the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He came to see he required a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions alongside the practical tasks of looking after a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has changed how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he matures.

Ryan believes these will assist his son better understand the language of feelings and make sense of his parenting choices.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen was without reliable male guidance. Even with having an "amazing" connection with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says suppressing feelings resulted in him make "bad decisions" when he was younger to change how he was feeling, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as an escape from the pain.

"You turn to substances that are harmful," he explains. "They may short-term modify how you feel, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Strategies for Managing as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - if you feel overwhelmed, speak to a family member, your partner or a professional what you're going through. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the activities that helped you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. It could be exercising, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical health - a good diet, staying active and when you can, resting, all are important in how your emotional health is doing.
• Meet other first-time fathers - hearing about their journeys, the challenges, as well as the positive moments, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that requesting help isn't failing - prioritising you is the most effective way you can look after your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the passing, having had no contact with him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead offer the security and emotional support he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the emotions in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they confronted their issues, changed how they talk, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I expressed, sometimes I believe my job is to instruct and tell you on life, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am discovering just as much as you are on this path."