Navigating my Desire for Casual Encounters Whilst Seeking a Committed Partnership
As a gay man in my late 40s, I’ve spent numerous, mostly pleasurable years pursuing spontaneous encounters with other men since the age of 19. In my 30s, I was in a serious relationship which continued for four years, but it never fully satisfied me, because I didn't experience love or sexually nourished. Truthfully, I have always craved casual sex. Whenever I begin seeing a potential partner, once the newness fades, an impulse arises to be intimate with new partners again.
Questioning the Feasibility of Monogamy
Currently, I'm contemplating if I’ll ever be able to sustain a monogamous relationship. I understand that numerous gay men engage in open relationships, yet when I’ve witnessed them, they appear like hard work, often resulting in significant heartache and envy for everyone involved. In many ways, I want another man to love me while allowing me to remain sexually free, however I dread to imagine the emotional drain this might create. Is it best to continue to have casual sex and acknowledge that a lasting partnership is not possible? I feel somewhat confused.
Every person’s sexual journey fluctuates. Avoid considering of your relationship needs or your capacity to handle various forms of sexual unions as fixed. Your needs in your current state may well change in the future; at a certain time you might become less ambivalent and discover greater understanding and a comfortable path … or perhaps not. At some point you might meet a person offering a life-changing chance to you by reflecting your desires completely … and later on you might decide that casual connections are best for you. Worrying about the future and playing endless speculation is merely rooted in fear and squandering of your efforts. Try to be in the moment with your partners, and see the value of each person you connect with intimately an intimate bond. If and when the time is right to deepen genuine closeness with one partner, you will know.
- The psychotherapist is a US-based therapy professional focusing on treating intimacy issues.
